Slow Motherhood Challenge: Just Get Through It

Let’s Just Get Through It, Ok?

Each month (or so) I write a Slow Motherhood Challenge. It is usually an opportunity to be more present with your little ones. To take time, usually outside, and just be with them, letting them be the guide.

This month’s Slow Motherhood Challenge is nothing like that.

This month, I am not doing a traditional Slow Motherhood Challenge. We are in the midst of a global pandemic and we all need to survive this. I am not going to spend this time talking about thriving when I find myself emotionally swinging. One minute, I’ve created the best science project and we took an awesome hike. The next, I feel like I’m drowning and this will never end.

I challenge you to keep you and your kids healthy. That’s it. Emotionally and physically. And yes, I said you. You need to stay emotionally healthy, too.

This month, this week, this day, I want you to step away from any challenge. I want you to just survive. Get through it. Yep. That’s it. Over here at the Unlikely WAHM house, we are getting by. And some days it feels like we are barely doing that.

So, I challenge you to Just Get Through It.

To just get through it, I challenge you to:

Lower your expectations.

Homeschool, work, cleaning up after kids that are home all day, keeping them entertained. It is more than most of us are used to (certainly more than I am). Add in the stress of all that is happening in our world, and it can cause so much anxiety. Lower your expectations. Like a lot.

A friend texted me this: “Your main job right now is to ensure they don’t need to see a doctor. Short term goals. 5 hours of TV, almond butter without a spoon, no problem. No one got COVID-19 or needed medical care. You’re winning.” Guess what, she’s right.

Some ideas on lowering your expectations:

• Your house does not need to be clean. Your in-laws aren’t coming over any time soon, right? Clean as much as you need to for your own sanity. I clean one room a day, and rotate. The kitchen, family room, and laundry are on rotation every week. The rest of the house – as needed. And my goals for clean are pretty low.
• Make sure there are enough clean dishes to cook and eat dinner. No need to do more if you don’t have it in you.
• Get yourself as dressed as you need to feel good. No more. I know that I need to take a shower, put on real pants, and some moisturizer. That is it. I feel dressed, clean, and ready. I do not need to style my hair, wear makeup, pick out a great outfit. I just need to be dressed enough to not feel bad about myself.
• Same with your kiddos. The little one wore jammies almost all day yesterday (until he took a little rain walk and got soaking. Then I changed him) but he was clean and dry, and comfy all day.
• Every school project doesn’t need to be perfect. Sometimes, they just aren’t interested and that is ok.

Two words: Disney +.

A dear friend sent this Glennon Doyle clip the other day. You know what it did for me? It eased some of my guilt. We are watching A LOT MORE TV than before. And significantly more than I am comfortable with. But, you know what? I need to wipe down countertops from time to time. I need to answer an email or make a call.

I need to sit down.

After planning activity after activity after activity (some of which take 10x more cleanup than activity time), I am exhausted. We are watching a lot more TV, both my preschooler alone and as a family. And guess what? I am ok with it (well…I am getting ok with it).

Lose the guilt.

Ok, I think this is a really good idea all year round. But right now. Seriously. Lose that guilt immediately (also working on this). We have to get through this. And that is about it.

I am working on being patient with them as much as myself, but not feeling bad when I lose my patience. I am working on being present, on creating positive memories, on teaching and learning with them. But I am mostly working on not feeling guilty when I haven’t been able to do that.  

Take a few minutes of self-care.

Self-care is not going to look like it did a few weeks ago. Most of us don’t have time for that. So, take it how you can get it.

Hide in the bathroom with a glass of wine, crying). Cry in your car. The other day, I took the long way to Sprouts, just for the alone time. I screamed/sang/cried the entire way. I’m headed back tonight, and am looking forward to it.

Say No.

The other day, I was on a zoom call with a big group of college friends. Most either don’t have kids, or their kids are a few years older than mine. It was a “civilized” conversation.

Then, my three-year-old got completely naked, except for a tiger hat (I’d love to post a pic because it is pretty funny, but…well…) and ran through the house screaming. I laughed hard, put it on mute and turned the camera away from him. Then someone said something about how her kids were reading quietly on the carpet right now. I immediately felt judged.

The following week (it is a regularly scheduled call), I jumped on and my little one immediately started screaming. He wanted to be fed, and held, and played with. Again, I muted it. And again, I felt judged.

So, I hung up. I thought, “Why am I doing this to myself? I have so much going on, I don’t need this…”

And this week, I didn’t join the call. It wasn’t bringing me joy. There are two women on the call that I am very close with, so I set up a regular call to check in with them instead. And on Wednesdays at 5, I play with my kids, start dinner, and clean up a bit instead. Or watch TV.

It is ok to say no.

To not feel like connecting, to skip a zoom call with family. It is okay for your kids to skip the occasional class. To not join a new Words with Friends game. It is ok to just need to be alone and take a night off.

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This month, take care of yourself the best you can. At the end of all this, if we’ve loved our kids through it, supported them, and shown them resilience, we are successful. If we kept them healthy and at least a little busy, if we show them that we are also emotional people that sometimes need support, we are thriving.

And, if at the end, we are just super grateful to get our lives back, and nothing else, that is ok too.

So, this month’s Slow Motherhood Challenge: Get through it, mama. The best you can. Because that is all I’m gonna do. Join me, won’t you?