Does Your Lifestyle Reflect Your Values

What Does Your Lifestyle Say About Your Values?

A few weeks ago, I was playing with my toddler. He likes to pretend that everything that is the size of a credit card is his phone (yes. I realize what this says about me… It gets worse). I asked him to pick up one of the balls I had thrown his way. He pulled out his current “phone” and said, “Just a second. I need to finish this text.” Oh my god. I about died. That is me.

One of the big downsides of working at home is the blurred line between home and work, personal and professional. And sometimes that is ok. Many of my clients know my kids, and love them. Some haven’t met them, but have definitely seen pictures of them and their involvement in my work. All have heard them in the background of my phone calls. I couldn’t work from home if I worked in an industry that wasn’t family friendly.

I like to do most of my work when they are napping, when my toddler is at pre-school, and after bed time or on the weekends when their papa is home. But, there are times when something comes up and needs to be taken care of during the business day, and quickly. And there is the “just a second. I need to finish this text (or email, or phone call, or project…)” comment. And it devastates me.

It also reminds me to put down my phone.

It reminds me that unless it is important and has to be taken care of during business hours or within a certain amount of time, that I need to wait. It reminds me that spending quality time with my kids (not time that is distracted by and divided between them and work) is why I am working at home right now. That and I love working in shorts and flip flops.

It is clear what my values are. I value spending time with these kids. I value learning with and about them on a day-to-day basis. I value undistracted, fun, child-led time with them. And I value the flexibility to be able to head to the zoo, or the beach, or on a mini-vacation on a whim. I also value paying my bills, so work isn’t an optional.

And, I think about these values daily. But, am I always living them? No, not at all. I find myself checking social media at the park or checking emails at the zoo. Why?

Habit.

So, I need to remind myself what my values are, regularly. And then I need to hold myself accountable and ask,

What does my lifestyle say about my values?

If someone were to observe me for a few typical days, is it obvious that I value this undistracted time? Is it obvious that I want to put my kids first during these short years? And is it obvious that I want to work at home in order to have the flexibility and time to take fun little adventures?

If it isn’t, then I am not living in alignment with my values.

This is one of the most important things that we can do for ourselves, not only for our sanity and the benefit of our children, but also for the achievement of our goals.

If the way we spend our time doesn’t line up with what we say we value, then we are wasting it. If the way we spend our work time doesn’t line up with our most important goals, we are wasting that, too.

When figuring out how to spend our days, we need to make sure that it would be obvious to an outsider what our values are. And if it isn’t, what can we do today to fix it. Today.

Is your schedule reflective of your goals?

Have you scheduled time today to move the needle on the most important thing in your professional and personal life? Did you work on that project when you said you were going to work on that project? Do you regularly set aside time to work on your goals?

If not, why not?

If your current schedule is not reflective of your goals, think about why.

Sometimes we take a long hard look at our goals and realize that we really don’t want them. We may like the idea of them, but the reality of them doesn’t work with what we really want. For some of us, that big corporate job sounds amazing, with all the perks and the big salary, but when we think about what it means for our lives, it isn’t what we really want. Our subconscious knows this, so we roadblock ourselves. If we re-evaluate our goals, we would see that this “big job” maybe isn’t a true goal, which is why we haven’t scheduled ourselves accordingly.

If your goals and values are what you truly want, and your schedule isn’t reflective of this, you need to make a change now.

Set aside time in your schedule now to work on it. Let’s say you want to start a business but you are working full time, juggling your kids’ schedules, and trying to stay healthy. You can’t seem to find the time to start the business. If it is important to you, if one of your values is to be self-employed, find the time. Even if it is just a half an hour a day after the kids go to bed. You will be surprised how much (in the long run) you can get done with just a half hour a day. This blog is a “half-hour-a-day” project. And it gets done. Sometimes I spend the whole half an hour or so stuck on one annoying task that I can’t figure out and I get frustrated. But sometimes, I hit publish on a post. And that feels incredible!

Are you Busy for the sake of Busy-ness?

We are all busy. Probably too busy. I notice this the most when my toddler asks me something like, “mama, can you play this game with me?” and I say something like, “Could you give me a minute or two so I can finish this email” or “No, I am working on this project.” These little conversations are wake up calls to me.

Many of us are guilty of being busy just for the sake of being busy. I used to say that you weren’t an adult unless you were busy and tired. But why? Why do we all do this to ourselves?

And how much of this busy-ness is actually getting closer to the life we want?

Busy-ness is likely not one of your values. It certainly isn’t one of mine.

I am working on eliminating some of my busy-ness. Saying no in order to say yes to the important things, scaling back on the unnecessary, and eliminating the extra that doesn’t really serve me.

I am so guilty of over-checking email and then doing nothing about it, only to have to read it again and then respond (or delete) later. This is just being busy. I have other bad habits along these lines, but this is the biggest source of unnecessary busy for me. Checking and responding to email is necessary in almost everyone’s line of work (and personal lives). Checking and not responding, only to recheck and then respond is just a waste of time. This habit (and the ones like it) create busy-ness.

Eliminate the Unnecessary

Along the lines of being busy just to be busy, many of us have a laundry list of things that we “have to” do. But, do we really? And do we really need to do them now?

Being aware of what must get done, what is truly important to live our value-based life is one of the most important things we can all do. We need to go through our lists and eliminate the unnecessary and let it go.

I have a “master to-do list.” It is in a notebook (separate from my planner). I put every single thing that isn’t my top 1, 3, or 5 things on that list. I have a separate section for things that take less than five minutes. Every so often, I go through this list and edit.

Some things make it into my planner and become priorities. Many things get crossed off. Things that seemed imperative last week that did not get done, and are no longer important at all this week.

What does this say about me? Probably, that I am adding way to many things to my to do list, and not realizing what is a priority at the time. But, I at least recognize that some of this isn’t important.

I don’t put them in my planner, because my planner is there to help me manage my time. My actual time, not some wishful-thinking schedule that would allow me to do everything.

It also helps me eliminate the unnecessary, which is the only way to do the things that are important and in line with our values. No one has enough time to do everything. We must eliminate all but the absolute most important things. Those things that will get us closer to our goals, enrich our lives, and allow us to live a lifestyle that is in line with our values.

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Most of us have a life that we want and a life that we have. Hopefully, they aren’t too far off. The only way to get the life that we have to equal the life we want is to create it. It is so important to live and work in alignment with our values.

If your lifestyle isn’t in line with your values, why not? And what are you going to do about it?

I know that I am going to commit to only checking my emails three times a day, and then answering them immediately if possible so I don’t need to re-read an email later in the day. I am going to put down my phone after 6 p.m. and until 9 so that I can say yes to the requests from my little ones, and I am going to finally buy that point-and-shoot camera I have been talking about so I can enjoy my days off without being attached to my phone (and so my little one does not hear me say, “just a moment, let me finish this last text…”).