Why We Need to Stop Searching For Balance

It seems like we are constantly searching for balance. We need to stop.

I have talked a lot about balance in the past (here, at home, at work, with friends, everywhere). If we are working too much, we need to find more time for family. If we are at home, maybe we are putting our careers too far on the backburner. We strive for “balance.”

It seems that in order to create balance in our lives, we must work the appropriate amount and play the appropriate amount (equal amounts?). We must set aside a certain amount of our day, week, month to spend with our family, another part for our friends and other relationships, still another part for our physical health, our spiritual lives, fun, personal development, and more.

Balance is treated like some sort of pie that just needs to be divvied up appropriately. And if we can find the magic number of minutest to devote to each area, we will have found this elusive balance.

When we are searching for balance, what do we really want? To me, this elusive concept is associated with a few things:

• A life that feels peaceful.
• A job that allows me to spend time with my kids, with enough flexibility to be available to them when they need me, without sacrificing my career.
• To be present in the moment, no matter what I am doing.
• A feeling of purpose and time to pursue my true priorities
• Feeling energized (or at least not exhausted) emotionally, physically, and mentally.

What does “balance” mean to you? And what does it feel like to achieve it? Have you been able to?

I invite you to take a moment to think about what balance might look like in your life.

The Myth of Balance

We struggle to figure out this balance, and then to implement it. If we spend too much time at home, we feel guilty that we aren’t giving enough to work. Too much time at work, even guiltier. This “balance” that we are striving for can leave us feeling unfulfilled. Once we’ve found it, shouldn’t our lives be pretty close to perfect?

I think most of us will find that this isn’t exactly so. That we may find the “perfect balance” only to discover that it doesn’t work for us. That we were working towards the wrong thing.

What often happens when we are finally achieve “balance,” is we are stretched too thin. When we devote “enough” time on each area of our lives to achieve balance, we often find we are juggling far too much. We achieve balance only to find that it is even more exhausting.

We achieve balance only to find that some part of our lives needs a little more attention than usual. What then? Our elusive “balance” is thrown off.

But is it possible that balance is the wrong thing to look for?

That this search for balance is turning our lives into a zero-sum game?

By searching for balance, we are usually trading one thing for another. We are giving up a part of our home lives to work, or a few minutes of work to get dinner on the table.

When searching for balance, we implement time management and calendars. We put together lists and constantly search for solutions to a problem that, to me, seems unsolvable.  

Life Is Too Complicated to Search For Balance

It is impossible to compartmentalize our lives into different areas that somehow add up to a balanced (successful?) life. It is completely unrealistic.

This is not how life works. Some days, you need a little more self-care. Others, you need to surround yourself with loved ones. Still others, you need a little more physical fitness (after most holidays, right?). And of course, there are the weeks when work is just relentless.

Finding balance with the unpredictability of life is impossible, and leaves us feeling anything but.

Why Do We Feel Out Of Balance?

I feel most out of balance when:

• I have been working on things that don’t reflect my values or my true priorities.
• I have over-committed and have said yes to too many things.
• I am not taking care of myself physically and emotionally.
• I do things I think I “should” be doing rather than things I want to and need to do.
• I prioritize other people’s needs over my own (obviously, “other people” is not my family.)

Most of us feel the most out of balance when we haven’t set the proper boundaries, have too much on our plate, or have sacrificed one area of our lives for another. Managing our calendars, finding time savers, and life hacks aren’t going to help us with balance. All of the things causing me to feel imbalanced have more to do with my choices than my time management.

For me, feeling “in balance” is more about living intentionally and creating a life that works for me.

We need to work on ways to live more intentionally, rather than ways to create balance. We need to say no, focus on our values, and set boundaries.

We Need Something Else Besides Balance.

So, why not work on finding harmony?

I propose searching for harmony. I think we should try to find a way to integrate the different areas of our lives harmoniously.

We don’t stop being moms just because we left for work, that is who we are. We don’t stop thinking about work and being our work selves at home. We carry these roles with us everywhere we go.

Finding harmony allows us to integrate all areas of our lives and live more authentically. Let’s stop searching for “balance” and create harmony in our lives instead.