Let’s Strive For Harmony Instead

Last week, I made a case against searching for balance. Instead, I think we should strive for harmony.

We try so hard to find balance in our lives. For most of us, it is a fruitless goal. It is almost impossible to find balance, and when we do, we are often spread too thin. Our lives are much too complicated to compartmentalize each area into some sort of “balanced” pie.

When we look for balance, we over simplify our responsibilities, our goals, our dreams, and our needs. We find it temporarily, only to find that one area needs more attention than we were giving it.

Why Not Work on Finding Harmony?

It is Often Impossible to Separate Life and Work

For most of us, the work day doesn’t end because we’ve left the office or closed the computer on the kitchen table. There are often late client calls and deadlines that keep us up late.

Our family lives don’t end when we drop the kids off at school. We still need to plan parties and pick up groceries. We need to clean up after them a bit and be available if something happens.

We are always moms. Heading to the office certainly doesn’t change that.

If our minds and spirits merge the seemingly unrelated areas of our lives, shouldn’t we try to purposefully integrate them when possible?

Aren’t we doing ourselves a disservice if we can admit that we think about work at home and home while at work, but can’t physically combine the two.

Wouldn’t we do better if we worked with the inevitable integration of work and home, rather than against it?

Why not find a harmonious way to integrate all areas of our lives?

I take my kids to work pretty regularly. I answer a lot of calls after the “work day” ends. I work on big projects after the kids go to bed. My colleagues know my kids, and occasionally watch them when I have an appointment. And my clients love my kids (well, some of them. And some of the time!).

Involving my kids in my work is the best way for me to do what I do, without sacrificing too much of my family or work time.

From the outside, this is may not seem balanced. It is a clear case of “work creep” and “home creep” (although, I am not sure that is a term).

We have been told that work needs to end, and family needs to begin at a certain time of day (five? Six? When is it?). And that we need to put it all away.

But, putting it all away often seems impossible. Or at least unrealistic much of the time. Our clients are available after working hours, our kids aren’t always in school during the work day. They overlap.

And why shouldn’t they? We let many other areas of our lives overlap. I certainly take hikes with my kids, bring my kids to mom dates, and enjoy a glass of wine with my colleagues. All of these are perfectly acceptable examples of overlap, or harmony.

So, as a holistic, authentic person, why wouldn’t my family life overlap with my work life?

Work and home can no longer be separated for most of us. With technology, the needs of our children, and greater expectations, we are unable to separate.

So, why not integrate?

Why not strive for Harmony? A more holistic approach to life that values work and family and physical health and all of it, and blurs the lines between them. We certainly wouldn’t stop eating healthy at work because work isn’t the time to focus on our physical health, would we? We wouldn’t say no to an evening with friends if we had our kids in tow (most of the time). So, why not integrate other aspects?

Harmony Leads to A Holistic and Authentic Version of Ourselves

I had lunch with a dear friend today. She is a realtor. One of the things she mentioned is that she no longer “farms” – realtor speak for going out and finding new business from people you don’t know. She stopped doing it and started “doing the things that I like to do in my personal life, professionally.”

She does client hikes, parties at her home, and paint-and-wine nights instead of traditional real estate marketing. Why? Because she doesn’t want to be one person at work and another at home. She wants to be herself. She wants her clients to see her, as she is.

When we separate work and life, we are holding back our authentic selves. To be “professional” and separate our lives, we are hiding what makes us human, what makes us “us.” We are becoming one-dimensional versions of ourselves. By integrating our home lives into our work lives, we show the holistic, authentic people that we are.

And, I think this leads to more contentment and satisfaction.

When we over-compartmentalize (in an effort to separate work and home, to create “balance”), we are hiding our true selves from that world. When we work on creating a work-life harmony, we are able to bring our whole selves to work, to show who we really are to our clients and our co-workers.

By integrating work and home, we can often create more time for our kids. When my little ones come with me to some appointments, it eliminates our need for some childcare. A fifteen minute appointment doesn’t become an hour away from them. It becomes a fifteen minute outing (that sometimes is fun, sometimes is a little boring), followed by an afternoon together.

By integrating the two, we all benefit. I am more flexible at work and I get to spend more time with my kids. My clients get to see the real me and have a better understanding of why I do the things I do and how I work (which benefits all of us!). It also gives them an opportunity to share more about themselves with me, which usually helps me do my job better, and always helps me enjoy work more.

When we work on ourselves, our relationships, our careers, together, rather than at the expense of one another, we are more able to create better versions of ourselves.

By striving for harmony, we are able to fully engage in our lives. We are no longer hiding areas of our lives, parts of our personalities. We can find the type of things we were looking for when we were searching for balance.

So, I am striving for harmony, instead of balance.