How To Create a More Intentional Life
Using your core values and your own definition of slow motherhood, you can create a more intentional life.
A personal reflection and an invitation for you to do the same. How do you define slow motherhood? And what can we all do to achieve it.
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A few years ago, someone asked me what I meant by slow motherhood. I didn’t have an exact definition, but I did know that for the most part, it meant finding ways to do less, have less, and connect more. It meant making time for peace, and finding moments of joy in boredom and the mundane. More action-based, it meant sitting down for breakfast with my little one, putting my phone away entirely during caretaking, and allowing myself and my little ones to just be.
Today, I have a much better definition, and a few specific actions that define slow motherhood for me.
Of course, every mother, every child, and every day are different. With that, I invite you to define what slow motherhood looks like to you so that you can create a more intentional life.
How to Create a More Intentional Life using Core Values
Let’s start with your core values.
A few years ago, the company I worked for asked us to define our core values so that we could better attract and serve our ideal clients. I came up with a list (mine is a little longer than recommended) that defines how I want to live my life, what I am working towards, and what success means to me.
Once I had children, this list became even more important. My priorities shifted, but even more importantly, I realized that in order to live my values, I needed to be intentional about them.
I began focusing on my list each day. I read it first thing in the morning as a reminder. It encompasses what I want my relationships to feel like, what I want in my career, and how I want to feel each day. It is not flexible like my words of the year, although the values have often popped up there when I’ve felt I needed to recommit to my values.
If you haven’t already done a core values exercise, I invite you to spend a half an hour or so on it now. It may seem a little obscure for defining slow motherhood, but if you don’t know your values, it is more difficult to determine why and how to shape your motherhood journey.
Take a look here for a core values exercise.
If you’d like a list of core values, click here.
Compare Your Values with Your Life
Now that you’ve defined your core values, take stock. Are you living a life that is defined by your core values? What are you doing well on? What is missing?
For most of us, our lives will ebb and flow. One day (or month or even year), we will be in deep connection with our values, living authentically and with purpose.
Other days, groceries, tantrums, PMS, and spilled pasta get in the way.
Anyway, determine where you are. If you aren’t exactly living your values, consider how you might get there. Some values require concrete action. These are the easy (easier?) ones.
| Related: Does Your Lifestyle Reflect Your Values?
Use Your Values to Define Slow Motherhood for You
Now that you’ve defined your values, determine what they mean to you with respect to your relationship with your children, your home, your partner, your life generally.
Consider what living your defined values actually feels like. What are you doing? What does a day look like to you?
Now, Use Your Values to Define What You Don’t Want in Your Slow Motherhood Journey
As mothers, we say yes. Can you help with the school’s bake sale? Yes. Can you come to Brody’s birthday? We’d love to. Can my parents stay with us for the weekend? Of course. Would you mind staying a little later to finish up this project? Not at all!
We just keep saying yes (or maybe it is just me!).
But, when we indiscriminately say yes, we are allowing others to define our lives. As women, and especially as mothers, we are socialized to put other people’s needs above our own. And of course, much of motherhood is selflessly prioritizing our kiddos. But what if our yeses are getting in the way of living a more intentional, created life? What if our yeses are getting in the way of our connections with our children?
Indiscriminately saying yes is saying no to so much more.
The birthday parties and playdates are important. And so are visits from family. But, what if we said yes to the ones that bring connection and joy, and no to the ones that don’t. What if instead, we intentionally pursued the activities and commitments that bring us joy, ease, connection.
And, of course, most of us can’t say no to the piles of laundry collecting or the dishes in the sink. Or can we?
| Related: The Good Enough Mom
Take Action
Yes, easy to say. Hard to do. Take a moment to consider a few things that you can do (or at least work on) to prioritize your slow motherhood journey and create a more intentional life, today. Yes, today.
Consider how you can create the space and time to live these values. What might each of your core values need? What might you need to give up to live these values?
Some of the actions will be more concrete. Actual things you can do today that will move you toward a slower motherhood. Others will take much more time. But, slow motherhood is a long journey of successes and learning opportunities.
The mindset-related values certainly take more focus and effort. They aren’t as easy as scheduling a camping trip or setting up a tent in your living room! I talk a lot about patience here because, while it is my number one core value, it is one that I find myself not living most often. It requires constant work, focus, and recommitment.
For me, when I feel like we aren’t living my playfulness and adventure value, I find a new place to hike and explore, I set up something fun to play with in the yard, I take more time to giggle with my kids. I’ve even booked a vacation when I felt a lack of adventure.
Others are somewhere in between, and might just need a little habit change. I’ve added a gratitude journal to my morning to honor one of my values and I think over the years it has increased my feelings of abundance. It has certainly increased my contentment.
What small steps can you take today to slow down and live your values? What immediate actions will help you live a more intentional life?
My Values
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At the beginning of my motherhood journey, I had a moment when I realized it was all happening so fast. I felt as if I could literally see my baby growing in an instant. I knew I needed to slow it all down and be more intentional with my habits and my relationship with him. I revisited my values, and started building a life around them, with him in mind.
While I am nowhere near living exactly within my values, there is an intention behind my choices. I still say yes to things that I regret later. I still lose my patience almost daily. And I sometimes forget that there is beauty in all (ok, maybe most) of this and find myself lacking gratitude from time to time. But, I have defined my values, and take steps every single day to make sure that we are living slowly, simply, and intentionally.
I invite you to do the same. Start here with your core values worksheet.
If you’d like more, I would love to have you join my 5-day Slow Motherhood Challenge. And, since you’ve defined your values, you’re already a step ahead!
