Hey Mama: We Need to Celebrate Our Wins

I made a cake for my son’s third birthday. From scratch. I have never been much of a baker. It is too scientific. I like the inaccuracy that is welcome in cooking but definitely is not in baking. But, he wanted a “chocolate cake into a raspberry cake.” I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant, but was pretty sure I wasn’t going to find it at the store.

After he repeated this same line for the fifth or sixth time, I realized he likely would be disappointed if he didn’t get this specific cake. So, to Pinterest I went. And found a few recipes and inspiration.

And, I made the cake.

It turned out pretty good. I don’t like chocolate cake, so I have to trust everyone else on the flavor, but it looked good. The frosting was delicious. I was able to use all organic ingredients (win!), used beets to dye the frosting, and officially made a “chocolate cake into a raspberry cake.”

He was thrilled.

A week later, we all got dressed up for Thanksgiving. No stains, no bun, and a few silly pictures.

Why am I telling you this?

Because it is important to celebrate our wins.

There is so much out there about “bad moms,” and “hot mess moms,” and “being real,” that it sometimes feels we have gone in the opposite direction of Pinterest perfection and are now out-messiness-ing each other.

We are trying to show this “authentic” side to motherhood, only to become one-dimensional on the opposite side of perfection.

No one is only a messy mom in the same way that no one is only a Pinterest perfect mom. We are nuanced.

Sure, some of us pick our kids up with perfectly manicured nails, heels, and a fresh blow out, while others are wearing the tee we slept in. But, that well-put together mom feels like she’s failing in some way too. And that crumpled up mom likely did something super awesome today, even if it is “only” feeding a baby.

If you’ve been here a while, you know that I tend to lean towards the last-night’s-shirt-wearing mom. I am a little sloppy on the drop-offs and pickups. I occasionally forget to brush my hair and as I write this, can’t remember the last time I wore makeup. And, I almost always have a mom bun.

But, I made that cake. And I got dressed up:

So, in an effort to be truly authentic, to be truly myself, I am working on also recognizing my wins. To realize, that while I do tend to be a messy mom, (which I am working on, btw, more on that, here) there are times when I do the right thing.

There are times when we fail. There are times when we feel like we are a “bad mom” (you are not, btw). There are times when the morning gets away from us, and between lunches, diapers, teeth and hair (who am I kidding, we don’t brush hair before school!), we don’t have a moment to ourselves and end up looking disheveled and overwhelmed at dropoff.

But there are also times when we are the perfect parent. When we find the time to style our hair, find our heels, and look as pulled together as we did pre-kids. There are times when we go out of our comfort zones and do something really special and memorable for our kids (like bake a cake).

Most importantly, there are times when we are the perfect mom to our kids.

And we need to celebrate that.

Because no matter where we fall on the messy-to-perfect mom spectrum, we are nuanced. And if we want to be authentic, we need to give ourselves a little credit for the times that we do lean a little more towards our own ideals. And realize that, even though social media seems to love the messy mama right now (in an effort to be “real”) that none of us (including me) are entirely that mama. Just as the perfect mama most definitely struggles with a few things.

So, what win are you celebrating today?