Life Sucks, And then it Gets Better, and Then it Sucks Again

“Life sucks and then it gets better, and then it sucks again.”

Note: I wrote this well before all of the self-isolation laws were in place. It feels even more important to remember this now!

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I saw this while binging on New Girl a few nights ago. And it felt so right. Doesn’t that just sum up motherhood? Yeah, I think so. But I might add, and then it gets better again. And, better and better.

I am working on savoring the “gets better” parts and letting go of the “life sucks” parts. And finding tiny bits of joy in the “life sucks” parts. Or at least a little humor or a learning opportunity. Sometimes, it is an opportunity to practice patience. And sometimes, it just sucks.

It was about 3 a.m. when I was watching. My little guy was up for the fourth or fifth time that night (with a few more left in him). I would call it a sleep regression, but it seems more like a sleep habit. And, I was wide awake, nursing him back to sleep, wishing I could just sleep alone for more than an hour or two at a time.

I found my mind wandering, and not in the daydreamy, easy way. In the ruminating way that gets out of control and usually only happens at 3 a.m. So, I tried to relax a bit. I tried meditating and found myself continuing to spiral even as the soothing voice told me to concentrate on my breath. I could not.

So, I watched a bit of New Girl. Yes, I know. Not the best sleep hygiene, but I needed a distraction. And then Nick said to Jess “Life sucks and then it gets better, and then it sucks again.” And it resonated.

I thought, yes! Yes. Sometimes motherhood sucks. And then it gets better and then it sucks again. Sometimes you are up at 3 a.m. with a sleepless baby, and then he gives you the sweetest little snuggle as he puts his pudgy little hands on your cheeks. And a few hours later, you find yourself wiping poop off of the bathroom floor because someone didn’t make it to the toilet on time (so close!).

But then, you and your preschooler giggle a lot about not making it to the toilet. And even though you are cleaning up poop, you are giggling with your favorite person to giggle with.

And then, your preschooler tells you, “mama, I’m so proud of you.” For cleaning up poop? I guess so.

And you know, it gets better. And it keeps getting better and better. And yep, it sometimes sucks. It often sucks. But, those sucky moments are what give us opportunities to giggle and for delicious snuggles.

Or to practice patience. Or even just to appreciate the best moments.

And in the wee hours of the morning, I again started thinking about reframing these moments. That sometimes situations that we wouldn’t choose (tantrums, sleepless nights, poop) can be appreciated. And if they can’t be appreciated, they can be embraced for what they are: the sucky part right in between the best parts.