How to Find More Joy in Motherhood: Slow Down

Last month, I received an email from The Parenting Junkie with the subject line “most parents hate parenting.” It broke my heart. It is so clear we need to find more joy in motherhood, all of us.

I opened the email and read that “the majority of parents would prefer to spend time cleaning rather than spending time with their children.” Oh dear. 

Motherhood is hard. It is not supposed to be easy, but to prefer cleaning? Ugh. 

And, like her, I realized that sometimes that is true for me. Depending on my mood, the state of the kitchen, the volume of my kids, or who knows what, I would rather sweep than build another Lego tunnel. She talks about how even though her tagline is “love parenting and parent from love,” she sometimes hides in the bathroom just to get a breather. 

You too? Yeah, me too. 

I watched her 28-minute video from start to finish (which is unusual for me) and loved it. But, that is not what this post is about, although it is worth a watch. Number three is a big one in our house that I constantly struggle with. 

I have absolutely been there, and there are days when every additional second of parenting feels like an eternity. 

But, most of the time, I find joy in motherhood. 

I love laughing with my kids, being surprised by their growth and silliness. I am constantly impressed by their development and knowledge and above all else, their ability to love. And, while school pickup often comes way too fast, it is usually my favorite part of the day. 

I love motherhood because I have chosen to slow down. 

Embracing slow motherhood has been the key to enjoying motherhood for me. 

How to Find Joy in Motherhood by Slowing Down

Slow motherhood has allowed me to say no to too many activities and screen time. It has allowed me to say no to scheduled activities and over scheduling. 

Of course, I still do find myself in the bathroom with tears in my eyes and a glass of wine in my hand from time to time, but it isn’t happening every day. I do have a two year old, so things aren’t always smooth sailing! 

| If you’d like to start your slow motherhood journey, take a look here for more posts, including my slow motherhood tips, take a look here. 

Slow Motherhood Mindset 

Once I embraced and began practicing slow motherhood, things began to shift. I watched my little one (a baby at the time), I revelled in his habits and mannerisms. I stopped and looked and listened to him. It was boring at times, as is parenting. But, as I started paying closer attention and more mindfully playing, reading, and engaging with him, I found I enjoyed it more. 

Giving Them Enough So We Can Have More

Have you noticed that your kids are much more difficult on the days that you are busy? Or that they just are so needy when you can’t give any more? 

Mine certainly are. 

Years ago, I heard somewhere say (I wish I could remember because it was such a great resource) that all kids really need is attention and autonomy. If they get enough of that, they are content and (mostly) well-behaved. 

I have found this to be true. If I can let my kids make enough decisions (within reason) to make them feel like they are in charge and enough attention that they know they are loved, I can sit back and do what I need to do. Well… I can “sit back” and make dinner without interruption. 

When I practice slow motherhood, I give them enough. I am mindfully attentive. I remember to ask them their opinion and then act on it. I play without distraction. 

And then, I walk away and have time for myself. 

Mindfulness and Motherhood

One of the keys to giving them the attention that they crave is mindfulness. If I can sit and play with them for even just ten minutes a day, uninterrupted, undistracted, we are all better for it. 

Slowing down and paying attention to them, when it is time to pay attention to them is challenging. Pushing a swing or reading the same book for the 17th time is often a little boring. Our minds wander. But, bringing myself back, putting down the phone, decluttering my miscellaneous thoughts, and being with them has changed things immensely. And, I know they feel it. 

When kids feel like they have our undivided attention, they are better equipped to play alone later. They also have better self-esteem and are coping skills (less fighting and whining!).  

Understanding When Enough is Enough

There are also times when we’ve just had enough. When there is just no more patience to exercise. A few years ago, my husband (who had been the primary caregiver for a few months) got a new job before we had an opportunity to get childcare. Then he went out of town for a few weekends in a row. At the same time, my business partner also went out of town so my workload doubled. I had two demanding clients. My little one still wasn’t sleeping through the night. I was working more than full time, taking care of my little one full time, and not getting enough sleep. 

I broke. 

After we found childcare and had a free weekend, I checked into a hotel for two days. I spent time reading, talking to strangers, catching up on sleep, and revelling in the quiet. 

It does not have to get to this point to understand when enough is enough. As I’ve slowed down, I’ve become more mindful of when I am reaching a breaking point. And I do not let it happen. I work with my family to get a little space for myself before this happens. I take time for myself before it becomes an emergency. 

I discovered the importance of self-care in motherhood and now it is a priority. 

Self-Care and Slow Motherhood

One of the most important pieces of slow motherhood is the mindset that we are important. We, as mothers, deserve to be prioritized and taken care of. We cannot allow ourselves to be the least important part of our motherhood journey. 

We are exactly one half of the relationship with our child. Think about that. If we let half of anything go, it isn’t going to survive. 

We need to take care of our half just like we take care of their half. Slow Motherhood means intentionally caring for ourselves as we would care for them.

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For me, slowing down has increased my joy of motherhood. Of course, it isn’t all wonderful all the time. I struggle with losing my patience, my kids definitely get under my skin, and there are days when I would rather do a sinkful of dishes than play with my kids. But for the most part, I enjoy them. And I believe that slowing down and not letting myself get overwhelmed in the “obligations” of motherhood have given me space to take care of myself. This has given me enough to mostly find joy in it. 

What do you do to find joy in all of this? How do you take care of yourself to make sure you are able to give enough to your little ones? 

Do you think slowing down might give you more space for joy? If you do, I want to invite you to a 5-day email series to get you started with a slow motherhood challenge here.