My Favorite Natural Parenting Books
I am not sure what it is about being environmentally conscious that also makes us interested in natural childbirth, extended breastfeeding, and a gentler approach to children, but it seems like there is a definite overlap, at least in my experience. So, while this isn’t so much a place to read about natural parenting as it is conscious living (although, it seems like it might be headed in that direction), I thought I would share my favorite natural parenting books.
After the first little love was born, I didn’t do much reading (well… at least not books. I have to admit that I have probably over-read Googled articles during sleepless nights. But that is another story…). I couldn’t even follow the plot of Friends (good thing I’ve seen every episode!), so how could I keep up with the advice in any parenting book?
As the years have gone by, I have picked up a books that I have really loved. Most of them have been books on parenting. I have discovered a few favorite natural parenting books that I loved reading almost as much as I love the advice in them.
UNNATURAL MAMA BOOKS
During my baby shower, I was given a few parenting books that I just didn’t agree with. You know which ones, you’ve likely seen them or maybe have a copy. The “bible” of parenting had so many passages in it that were absurd it was almost funny (I read a handful to my husband for entertainment). I knew I needed to find better books, books that were more aligned with my values and the way I knew I wanted to raise our boys, even if I didn’t know exactly how to do it.
There is so much advice out there, and a few of the books I had just didn’t feel right. I knew there were probably nuggets of good advice, but I didn’t want to read through pages of what I consider questionable advice (crying it out, putting newborns on a schedule).
Fortunately, through the internet, a thoughtful librarian, and my mother-in-law, I found a few favorites.
HERE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE NATURAL PARENTING BOOKS:
BEYOND THE SLING: A REAL-LIFE GUIDE TO RAISING CONFIDENT, LOVING CHILDREN THE ATTACHMENT PARENTING WAY BY MAYIM BIALIK, PH.D
When I saw that Amy Farrah Fowler wrote a book, I was thrilled (ok, maybe I watch too much TV). This “real-life guide to raising confident, loving children the attachment parenting way” is exactly that. It is real.
There is very direct advice on minimizing things, pressure, and discipline as well as ways to handle your questioning family, all advice I wish I had before my first was born. When my family kept telling me “you can put him down from time to time, he doesn’t need to be carried all the time” while also noting, “he sure is a happy little guy, isn’t he?” (not a coincidence), it would have been nice to have the confidence to say “this is the way I am doing it. It might not be the best for you, but it is the best for us.”
She consistently remarks that you know your kids, what is best for you as a mom and you as a family, and that you should listen to your intuition.
While I didn’t agree with everything in this book, I loved the “do what feels right to you” and “they don’t need much more than love” approach that this book offers.
My favorite piece of advice is the “don’t listen to advice” advice. She even tells you to disregard the very advice that is written in this book if it doesn’t feel right. That alone makes this book my favorite parenting book, because I didn’t agree with everything.
This came at a time when I was doubting myself (our second one was a few weeks old when I started this book) and many of my decisions. We had a caretaker that had a lot of very strong opinions that differed from mine, and I struggled to find my voice. I read this book, and realized, yes, I do know my kids better than anyone else. I trusted my intuition and have continued to do what I know is best for them. It might not be best for anyone else, but is best for our family.
THE GENTLE SLEEP BOOK BY SARAH OCKWELL-SMITH.
I love this book so much that I keep this picture in my photos so I can text it to tired mamas everywhere in a moment!
It took my first little guy almost two years to sleep through the night. By about six months, I was starting to get desperate. I knew any form of crying it out was not for us, but what else was there? I really didn’t know.
This book made me feel better about the whole thing and put the sleeplessness into perspective. I am not sure if it helped Bug learn to sleep any better but it certainly helped me adjust my expectations. I realized that sleeping through the night (or not) is just one part of this whole parenting thing and that it is temporary. I also realized that adults don’t sleep through the night, we just know how to put ourselves back to sleep. And sometimes it is really hard to do. How could a tiny toddler be expected to have a skill that I sometimes still struggle with?
For me, much of parenting is about adjusting my perspective. Thinking about something as terrible (not sleeping through the night) makes it that. And it feels like it will be like this forever. It won’t. Adjusting my outlook often helps me feel better about the situation. This book helped immensely with my outlook on sleep deprivation.
It also gave me some helpful tips and anecdotes from other families that we implemented. I just picked it up again for Bobber (also not a great sleeper!) and started reading the section on preschool sleep for Buggy. Still helping three years later!
THE HAPPIEST BABY ON THE BLOCK BY HARVEY KARP, M.D.
We lived and breathed by this one in the first few weeks of Buggy’s life. The five S’s were our mantra. If you are expecting or know someone else who is, pick this up. It helped us calm Buggy down and get to know his needs better. It gave us confidence (we could comfort our baby quickly) and we think gave him confidence in knowing that we were there to comfort him, also quickly. When Bobcat was born, we didn’t even have to reread it, we practically memorized it the first time around!
LAST CHILD IN THE WOODS BY RICHARD LOUV
I have to admit, I haven’t finished this one quite yet, but I love the message. If nothing else, it has inspired me to get the kids outside more, even if it is just to our regional parks.
Louv talks about Nature Deficit Disorder, and what we as parents can do to prevent this. When I first picked it up, I thought, no, that can’t be a real thing. But then I realized that when I don’t spend enough time outside I start feeling off. And when I do get outside, into the woods or the desert or the beach, I immediately feel a sense of relief and unwind a bit. I need to give this to my kids. So, we try to go to one regional park each week for a hike (more like a meander, but that is the point) and an adventure.
My toddler is often reluctant to go to a park that doesn’t have slides or swings, but once we get going and start using our imaginations, he has a great time. I try to get us as far off the beaten path as possible for a daytime outing with small children.
IT’S EASIER THAN YOU THINK: THE BUDDHIST WAY TO HAPPINESS BY SYLVIA BOORSTEIN
Ok, this isn’t necessarily a parenting book at all, but it has been a lifesaver in dealing with the inevitable tantrums that come with raising a strong willed three-year-old. She writes about being in a situation that you didn’t choose, but accepting it and appreciating it as it happens. As in, “well, obviously, I wouldn’t have chosen to spend my evening listening to my little guy make his horn sound while running around my mother’s garage throwing things and yelling “not that!” for 45 minutes, but I will appreciate these moments because I know it is developmentally appropriate and is helping him learn to self-regulate.” And, at least it isn’t at the grocery store, right?
It also reminds us that nothing is permanent. This challenging stage in his life is not permanent, so I can be confident that, even though it feels like these tantrums are never-ending, this is all transient. It also reminds us that, yes, even the wonderful things are not permanent, but the impermanence only makes these wonderful times sweeter. I think this is a perfect piece of wisdom for all parenting.
WHAT NATURAL PARENTING BOOKS HAVE YOU READ?
Have you read any of these? Do you have any favorite natural parenting books that you loved? I would love to hear them (especially if they have to do with preschoolers!). Or have you not even had one free moment to read? I know, I’ve been there!
