How to Be Content With What You Have
“I’m just going to sit here and watch him enjoy his bath.” My four year old being perfectly content with his pasta and his brother. Have you noticed that little kids usually are content with what they have? We can learn so much from them, their presence, and their enjoyment of the world around them.
Being content with what you have is one of the easiest ways to live a simpler, slower life and generally be happier, even through difficult times. I have been working on this for the past few years, almost daily, and have found that it has increased my overall happiness. It has also made me a much more conscious consumer, which has also helped with leading a simpler slower life.
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Years ago, when I worked in ethical fashion and first started really trying to buy sustainable clothing and beauty, I kept buying at the same speed that I always did. I bought clothes and shoes for every event, every time I felt like I “needed” something (I always needed something), every time I saw something that was ethical and I loved it, and just from time to time on a whim when I felt like something was missing from my life. I thought that if I was buying organic and fair trade that I was doing good.
I wasn’t content with what I had, ever. I was buying way too much, shopping unconsciously and regularly, and felt unfulfilled most of the time. I was so used to being a shopaholic, that even when I started buying more ethically, I was guilty of over-consumption.
I never had enough, never had the right thing to wear, never felt like my house was decorated quite right. I was never content with what I had, and always “needed” more.
And I used shopping as the bandaid.
Have you been here? Do you ever feel like you need that short rush you get from buying something new, only to have it go away almost as soon as you get home?
At some point, this shifted. I am not exactly sure when, but I realized not only was this not the way to an ethical wardrobe, but it wasn’t sustainable for my wallet either. So, I began working on becoming a more conscious consumer. I started this “contentment” practice not as a way to be more content but because I was worried about the impact my shopping habits had on the planet.
Later, my stuff started causing anxiety. I realized I needed to simplify (still do). I also realized that stuff was never going to make me happy. No matter how much I had.
I realized contentment would come from being grateful for what I have, while working for more (not more stuff, but more abundance in my life – more experiences, more love, more joy). It occurred to me that contentment might come from simplification – in fact, the opposite of what I had spent most of my adult life doing.
How to Be Content with What You Have
I was right. As I’ve aged, I crave simpler living, more experiences, and less clutter more than a new pair of shoes. Simplification and gratitude have lead to more contentment, but it wasn’t as simple as just making the decision to simplify. Instead, it is an ongoing process that I have spent a lot of time in the past few years working on.
Be Mindful
Notice the beauty around you. Notice how you feel when you pick your kids up from school and see their little smiles. Notice the rose that inexplicably blooms in your yard even though you do nothing to nurture it.
Sometimes, we are so focused on others, the future, our racing thoughts and to do list that we fail to notice what we already have. It is all but impossible to be content with what we have if we don’t notice it.
Which brings me to the next idea…
Be grateful.
Look around. Be mindful of your surroundings, and then find something to be grateful for.
Open your closet, be grateful there. Be grateful for the memories that you have in a few really great dresses, be grateful for the sweaters that keep you warm and the sweats that keep you cozy.
Notice the clutter of toys in the family room? Be grateful for the kiddos that made that mess. Be grateful for the joy they demonstrated when they first got the toy. And, be grateful for the days when they put those toys away on their own.
If there is an area that you are guilty of mindlessly buying in (for me, still, it is beauty products), spend a little extra time expressing gratitude there. Notice how wonderful your shampoo smells or how rich your new face cream is. And hold on to that feeling.
Often we are buying for that temporary burst of happiness. If you find that you “must have” something take a moment and think about what you are grateful for. Focusing on gratitude will prolong that sense of happiness.
Being grateful for the intangible things in our lives helps to remember that feeling of happiness. If you are able to keep the things you are grateful for in your mind, you may not feel the sense of “need” for something new or that burst of happiness that new things bring.
Bring back that feeling you had when you noticed your shampoo’s scent while you are in the Whole Foods beauty department, and perhaps it will be easier to not throw another oil into your cart… Or is this just me?
Stop Buying More
This is easier said than done. But, just force yourself to stop buying new things in order to feel content. Give yourself a manageable time period and say “I will not shop for a week/month/year (good for you!)” and then do it.
Once you get through that first week or month, try it again. It feels really good to accomplish this type of goal. Once you stop shopping, it becomes much easier to continue not shopping. Buying new things is like a drug. It gives us that temporary rush and we want it again. Once we get used to not getting that rush so often, it becomes easier.
Many of us have gotten into the habit of buying new things in order to satisfy something that is bothering us. We think we “need” a new dress in order to feel confident at a party. But, likely, we need to look at what is causing us to feel less than confident. Take a moment when thinking about what you need and determine if you really need it or if there is something else causing the feeling of discontentment.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
This is so important that it is one of the affirmations I read to myself daily. Like I said… still working on this every day.
Comparing yourself to others is one of the quickest ways to discontentment. Especially when it comes to social media.
There will always be people who look like they have “more” (whatever that is) or “better,” but we are only seeing what they choose to show us. And, most of the time, we are comparing our worst selves to their best selves, making assumptions along the way.
And, perhaps more importantly, what anyone else has does not change what we have now, just how we feel about it. If Kim Kardashian lost everything over night or our best friend bought a beautiful new house in the neighborhood we dream of living in, we would still have the same messy family room, amazingly adorable kiddos, and those extra ten pounds we need to lose. Right? So, why compare?
Prioritize not comparing yourself to others and you will be on your way to contentment.
Take care of what you have
If we treat our things like the high quality, well-loved, unique things that they deserve to be treated as, they will last longer. Take care of what you have, and they will look newer longer. They will feel special longer. And you will feel more grateful for them.
The act of lovingly caring for our things often makes us appreciate them more.
Be Compassionate
With yourself and others.
Challenge yourself to be more compassionate with yourself and others, even when you are feeling resentful or judgemental.
By allowing our hearts to fill with compassion, we are more accepting of the people and situations that may cause us unhappiness or distress.
We don’t know why others act and say the things they do, so if we can allow ourselves to compassionately react and assume the best, we will often find contentment.
Find a way to replace resentment with thoughts of love. If you find yourself in a moment of self-deprecating thoughts, compassionately replace them with something you love about yourself. Do the same with those around you. Instead of internally criticizing someone, think about what is good about them. Everyone has something, even if it is sometimes hard to find!
Accept What You Can’t Change (Now or Ever)
I am sure you’ve heard the serenity prayer used in recovery programs:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.”
Accepting what we can’t change allows us to move on and focus on things we can. It also allows us to find contentment in less satisfying times. By accepting what we can’t change (at least not now), we can be content now rather than waiting for things to change first.
We can find contentment while working on the things we want to change in the future. We can be content while losing the weight, while having a difficult time in our marriage, while working in a dead end job. It certainly is easier when we have the things we want, but by accepting the things we can’t change (for now or forever), we are able to move past it and be content in the present.
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It hasn’t been all that easy and it certainly didn’t happen overnight, but for the most part, I am pretty content with what I have. I still find myself comparing myself to others pretty regularly, so I’m working on that. And likely will for a lot longer. I have to remind myself to do these things as well, they still don’t come naturally.
How about you? Have you struggled with finding contentment? What have you done to be more content with what you have? Share your thoughts below so we can all learn from your experience!
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I am thankful and grateful everyday for what I have. It’s so important to remember that!
This is so important to remember!