9 Habits To Keep After A Year of Staying Home
While I admit to having a few personal challenges during this pandemic (and certainly having moments of pandemic fatigue), there have been some beautiful parts for us. I am hesitant to paint this year of struggle, of overwhelming grief and financial devastation as rosy but there certainly have been moments of joy, beautiful messiness, and certainly a bit of rest for us. It has also given us the opportunity to create a few new habits that we will keep after a year of staying home.
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Well…it has been almost a year. Schools shut down on March 12, restaurants followed, and we began a year of slow, quiet semi-solitude.
When I think back on 2020, I want to remember a few things and keep a few habits. I am taking the time to reflect on what I learned last year and what I want to bring forward into 2021 and beyond.
I invite you to do the same. Take a moment to look back on our year of sheltering-in-place, near constant worry, and political strife and find the bits of delight and positive habits to keep after a year of staying home.
9 Habits To Keep After A Year of Staying Home:
Patience
Patience was my word of the year last year. I did not realize the year that 2020 would be when I chose this word, but wow! What a perfect word. I needed this focus and intention.
My patience was worked! And you know what, my patience muscle is stronger. I hear myself talking in a softer voice. I know my triggers better (my preschooler’s energy bump after bath every night! Getting in the car, loud noises after about 6:30) and have worked on them.
I still catch myself making the same demand three or four times in a row, but I have learned to notice, breathe, and wait before asking again. I have a long way to go to be the “patient” mom I want to be, but 2020 not only tested my patience but it allowed it to grow in a way that I didn’t think was possible.
“Actibities”
My preschooler asks to do “actibities” regularly. He wants to sit at the table and do a craft or a science project. And my toddler is getting old enough to do them as well.
I love doing these activities with them. We recently received a subscription to Kiwi Crate and it is such a joy to spend time with them learning and working on something. We’ve built indoor sand castles, painted, cooked, modeled and designed. Our kitchen table has become a craft center and I couldn’t love anything more.
Just Watching Them
I have time to watch my kids. Just watch them. Be with them.
There are days when they play together beautifully and I have the time to watch, listen, and enjoy them as they are. It is a practice that I started (and then sadly forgot) when my first born was a baby.
I sometimes think I can actually see them growing.
I overhear pep talks between brothers, jokes, silly voices, and a lot of love. I watch as they “wrangle,” hug, and pester each other. I see my little one’s personality developing and my big one’s pride in being a big kid grow.
I have found so much joy in these quiet, slow days. And, I hope that I can continue to find this space to watch and get to know my kids.
Real Movie Nights
We started doing movie nights this year. Real movie nights, with popcorn and pillow forts. It is such a joy (and a challenge) to sit and relax and DO NOTHING with my kids but watch a movie.
I force myself to single-task (put away my phone) and sit with them. Yep, I am often bored. But, I get unsolicited snuggles and giggles as my reward. And it is often in the boredom that come these bright and beautiful moments of delight.
This is a habit that will evolve, but the takeaway here is that there are little things that we did to fill our time while staying home that have created opportunities for closeness and connection, as well as time to slow down. If you’ve found something that you have loved doing with your kids this year, keep doing it, do more of it, and find ways to work it in to your permanent schedule.
No-phone Evenings
Ok, I’ll admit it. I am not that great at this one, but I am working on it.
After I pick my kids up from school on the three days that they are there, I put away my phone. In another room. I try to cook simple meals so that I don’t need to rely on internet recipes and try to ignore my impulse to look something up or quickly check something (it is never quick!).
It hasn’t been easy but, like all habits, is getting easier. And, I have certainly noticed that being present with my kids makes for a quieter and more enjoyable evening.
Slow Mornings
The days that the kiddos don’t have school, I just let them meander in the morning. Some of our silliest, most fun, most adorable moments have come from these mornings. They’ve surprised me with their creative games. I’ve cherished the snuggles and conversations.
On school days, I started sitting down with them while they eat breakfast. It requires a little extra hustling before breakfast. But, the day starts off a bit better.
By giving them the attention that they need first thing in the morning, they are better equipped to listen and are more independent as we go through the rest of the morning. The time lost by sitting down and enjoying them is gained by a deeper connection to start the day and a smoother morning routine to follow.
Letting them Lead
I worked (and still work) on letting them lead when we are playing and hiking. It does not come easy to me, but once I stopped trying to navigate where we were going and what we were doing, we all enjoy ourselves more, I learn more about my kids, and we all but eliminate any stress associated with outings. I am able to more mindfully appreciate the world around me because we are taking everything slower.
Intentionally Saying Yes and No
Early on, I noticed that because I was saying no to so many things (the jumpy, a friends house, their cousins), I started saying yes to everything I could: candy, movies, walks, longer stays at the park, skipping baths, almost any request that wasn’t unsafe.
After awhile, I realized that, aside from the candy and screen time, that I could say yes to most of their requests and we could all find a lot of joy in it. “Mama, can you play with us?” Yes. “Can we build a pillow fort tomorrow? Sure! “Can we stay for a little longer?” Why not?
I also said no more frequently, especially at work. I turned down potential clients (heartbreaking at first), I worked a lot less and found ways to worry about it less. I looked at my lists and just crossed things off.
Weeks went by when I never put away the clean laundry. I just chose to say no to laundry and yes to something more important. We picked up clothes from our neat little stacks in the playroom. No, this is not ideal and really hurt my efforts to declutter, but I had to say no to something, and laundry was it.
Questioning my habits
Because we never had anywhere to be after school or the park, we could slow down. I could let them put their shoes on at their own pace.
After decades of rushing, I realized I was doing it out of habit. Now, I question my habits regularly. I ask myself, “do we really need to rush? Do I really need to do this?”
I discovered that I was doing many things out of habit (rushing and saying yes without intention were the biggest ones, but others as well).
Seeking self-awareness around habits and then working to change them is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and our children. Many of our habits are good and help us move the needle and give consistency to our children. But some are just habits.
Seeking out habits that suit our values and our current lifestyle is so important to living an intentional life. Upon rereading this list, questioning my decisions and asking myself why I do things is the most important habit to keep after a year of staying home.
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What Habits Will You Keep After a Year of Staying Home?
What can you take away from this challenging year? Are there any habits to keep after a year of staying home? What would you like to keep doing once we go back to “normal” (whatever that is)?
Do you have any habits that might need to be questioned? What can you intentionally do to slow down?
I’d love to hear in the comments.
