Slow Motherhood Challenge: You Don’t Have to Do it All

You don’t have to do it all.

You really don’t.

I am serious. You don’t. 

This month’s slow motherhood challenge is to realize this. You don’t have to do anything about it, just realize it. And then, put it in practice. 

You Don’t Have to Do it All, I Don’t Have to Do It All

I call myself the “Chief Doer, Finder, and Knower” at home. And, it is kind of a joke between me and my husband but it is sometimes something I find bothersome. Like when my husband asks me, “Have you seen my coffee cup?” And, yes, I have seen it. I am staring at it. Worse than that, so is he. Or when we are on a hunt for a particular game and it is in its place, but no one has bothered to look. Or when I am the only one who knows when we have “swim less” or family dinner plans. 

I am the one who makes the lunches, does the drop offs, buys the gifts, does all the signups, organizes our social life (even when it involves my husband’s friends and relatives), and almost always knows where the shoes are (in their place, usually). 

Sometimes, it is too much. 

But, I feel like I have to do it all. Because if I don’t, who will? If you don’t do it all, who will? Right?

The short answer: probably no one. 

It Might Not Get Done

Let’s take a second to examine that. No one will do it. No one will load the dishwasher. No one will arrange the play date. No one will make sure that the kids’ favorite oat milk is in the fridge. 

Maybe you are right. No one will do it. Maybe I am right, also, that if I don’t do it, it will get done incorrectly. 

But… can we take a moment and ask ourselves, is that ok?

Maybe (now hear me out for a second…) maybe it is ok if it doesn’t get done. 

Whaaat? Yes. Maybe it is ok.

Maybe it is ok if it doesn’t get done right. 

I am not suggesting we leave the kids at school or forget to buy them shoes when they grow out of theirs. 

What I am suggesting is maybe letting someone else shop for the shoes (they will not be the ones you want…but so? Can we let go of that? ). I am saying letting someone else cook dinner once in a while (maybe it’s plain spaghetti with butter and no veggies or protein….but so?).

Maybe we don’t arrange that play date. It just doesn’t get done and instead we have a quiet day at home, just us. Maybe we say, this season, we won’t play soccer (we already have swim lessons) and instead will relax after school a few days a week. Maybe we skip that birthday party.

Maybe we just say no to a few extra things. Maybe this year, we don’t volunteer to be the room mom or skip the bake sale.

Maybe when a colleague asks us if we could drop something off on our way home, we say no. If a client asks for a little extra, what might happen if we set a boundary and let them know that is not in our scope of our responsibilities (or in the amount we get paid). 

What might happen if we said no? 

If we decided to take back some of our own time. 

If we decided that we don’t have to do it all. Just because it is asked of us.

What would it look like for you, if you said to yourself, “I don’t have to do it all” and meant it? If you unloaded a little from your plate, crossed a few things off your list not because they are done but because they just aren’t going to get done? What might happen if you set firmer boundaries and asked for a little more help?

I don’t know the answer for myself.

As I’ve mentioned, this blog is as much a self-help pep talk for myself as it is anything else. This is a challenge for me. I say yes all too often. I don’t set clear enough boundaries for myself when it comes to client projects. And yes, I am the room mom (this I enjoy, so I will keep saying yes. The PTA meetings come with wine and funny moms!). 

But, I know that in order to fight burnout, I need to say no. I need to realize that I cannot do it all. I certainly shouldn’t be doing it all. 

What might change in your life if you were able to say no a little more and do a little less? I would love to know. So this week, I challenge you to try to do a little less, say no a little more, and create the boundaries that you know you need to set up. I will be over here doing the same.

And, if you want a little more, I invite you to my Slow Motherhood Challenge.