Raising Children who are Anti-Racism

I have been hesitant to post, because I did not know where to begin. Still do not. But, I have faulted those with a platform for not commenting. Silence is Complicit.

It is time I start talking. Mostly to my kids. Without knowing where to start, I have started. And like much of my motherhood experience, I will likely make a lot of mistakes along the way.

But, I am committed to raising anti-racists.

I am committed to raising two young, white men who will grow up with privilege that they likely may never understand the enormity. I am certain I don’t. I am determined to raise two young, white men who will use that privilege (even without understanding its enormity) for good. To use it to bring up those without it. To use it to make change. To use it for racial (and social and environmental) justice.

My kids are little still. Which means now is the best time to start a conversation.

A few days ago, we discussed different skin color.

Last night, we lit 9 candles and a flashlight at 9 p.m. and sat mostly in silence for 8 minutes and 46 seconds (well, I sat in silence. My three year old did his best). I explained that we were doing this because sometimes white people hurt black and brown people for no reason but their skin.

I am not sure it is sinking in. I am not sure I am getting it right. But I will keep talking.

I am also working on getting in touch with my own biases. My blind spots need to be exposed, and I need to make sure that I am the example.

I know that I don’t regularly patronize black-owned businesses. I will work to change that. I mostly read and follow white voices. I have actively started changing that.

I didn’t even know what white privilege was until college or my twenties. It is important that my boys understand it, know that they have it, and most importantly, know that they can use it for good.

We live in an area with a lot of casual racism. It reveals itself most often when friends and colleagues make derogatory comments about Mexicans, not knowing that I am Mexican. But it shows up in other ways of course.

We also live in a county with a lot of overt racism.

Like the time a friend’s parent congratulated me because I am doing my part to “bring more smart, white babies into this world” or when a friend of a friend referred to a bar by a derogatory term for the race of people that went there.

I am embarrassed to say that I rarely comment. I did speak up regarding the bar.

I commit to say something. I commit to be more aware of my own biases. I will never stop learning and I will do my best to teach my little ones.

I commit to being an anti-racist for as long as that role is necessary. And to use my voice and privilege as best I can.

When the protests end and we go back to our day-to-day lives (like we always do, and like only those of us who do not regularly experience discrimination, racism, and abuse can), I will keep my commitment to anti-racism by continuing to talk, learn, grieve and march.

More important than talking, I vow to listen.

I will listen (and read, and watch, and follow) BIPOC and hear their stories.

Black Lives Matter.

If you have any comments on how to do this better, I welcome it. Either publicly below or email me at hello at unlikelywahm dot com.